Suddenly it is easy to communicate the severity of my condition. "Open heart surgery" is a dramatic term that leaves no room for doubt. "Heart valve replacement", on the other hand, suggests some sort of minor, key-hole procedure. You might even think that maybe a big needle could do the job.
No, they need to open me right up.
When I turned 49, I realized that I was entering my 50th year. I recalled the Queen of England having a "Golden Jubilee Year" celebration to mark her 50th year on the throne. I decided that the coming year would be my own Golden Jubilee.
The idea of my Golden Jubilee Year was that I would strive to enjoy each day. Every day I would wake up and resolve to enjoy it, taking the view that it's my day, and no one can spoil it.
Over the course of that year I established a habit of enjoying my day, and made the effort to carry that attitude with me into subsequent years. I would seek out enjoyment; not wait for it to find me. When you make the effort, you can find enjoyment in whatever you are doing, or choose to do something you enjoy.
Now I draw upon this philosophy to look for something nice in each day. Even the medical appointments and tests have their good points. Some of the staff are nice to talk to, and each time I complete a step, I can tick that one off the list, and it brings me closer to being healthy again.
I feel like a silly Pollyanna, but the alternative is to hate each day as it comes.
It feels weird to be so close to the edge, but not scared of falling.
No, they need to open me right up.
I'm not taking the statistical risks too seriously, but occasionally in darker moments I reflect that the risks that I've been told about must be real, and these next two weeks could actually be my last. It feels surreal.
Then it hits me. Even if you're not having an operation, you never know if it's your last two weeks. In fact, every day when you get up, it could be your last day. You just don't know. Of course, you can't dwell on this; all you can do is try to make the most of each day.
Mark Twain said "I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened."
I can either spend the next two weeks paralyzed by anxiety, or I can try to enjoy those days.
When I turned 49, I realized that I was entering my 50th year. I recalled the Queen of England having a "Golden Jubilee Year" celebration to mark her 50th year on the throne. I decided that the coming year would be my own Golden Jubilee.
The idea of my Golden Jubilee Year was that I would strive to enjoy each day. Every day I would wake up and resolve to enjoy it, taking the view that it's my day, and no one can spoil it.
Over the course of that year I established a habit of enjoying my day, and made the effort to carry that attitude with me into subsequent years. I would seek out enjoyment; not wait for it to find me. When you make the effort, you can find enjoyment in whatever you are doing, or choose to do something you enjoy.
Now I draw upon this philosophy to look for something nice in each day. Even the medical appointments and tests have their good points. Some of the staff are nice to talk to, and each time I complete a step, I can tick that one off the list, and it brings me closer to being healthy again.
I feel like a silly Pollyanna, but the alternative is to hate each day as it comes.
It feels weird to be so close to the edge, but not scared of falling.
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| It's my mitral valve that needs to be repaired or replaced |
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