Our Sunday paper recommends my show "Unbreak My Heart" as one of the top 6 in the Cabaret Fringe Festival.
I have no idea how this has happened. Was it the rather excellent press release I sent? Or did someone attend one of the preview shows?
Now the pressure is on. I have to deliver a good show. The day before opening night, the nerves hit me. Are we really ready? Everything went well in our final rehearsal, but we have had a total of just four rehearsals. Will I remember everything? Will anything go wrong?
I go out walking and speak or sing every word of my piece. They all seem to be there, present and correct. But there is no accounting for the moment of truth when you step out on stage and you are alone, in front of a room full of people who have paid for tickets and expect to be entertained.
I explain to myself that this nervous attack is not serving me. I'm just punishing myself, which will just drain my energy and will not help me on the night.
On opening night, there is a "tech rehearsal". This is where you have to tell the sound and lighting technician what you want in terms of sound and lighting. I give him my script and we work through it scene by scene. This process starts at 4 pm, and doors open at 5.30 pm for a 6 pm start. It takes an hour. I don't know any technical terms for lighting. I ask the guy to give me "multiple choice" questions and to show me various effects, to which I can answer "yes" or "no". It is mentally tiring, and I start to feel vocal strain from the constant talking. I have two sound-effects - the sound of a train, and one of a beating heart. I explain where these fit, and tell him the cue lines. The techie tests the sound-files and enters them into his computer. Then I give him the CD I have prepared, of songs to be played while the audience arrives and settles in.
At 5 pm, pianist Emma arrives and we do the "sound check". I stand on stage, adjust the height of the microphone stand, and test it by talking into it. Then we run through a couple of songs. The tech guy declares himself satisfied with the sound in the room, and Emma and I scuttle upstairs to "relax". I definitely don't want to be there when the audience arrives - there is pressure to greet and kiss people, and to introduce them to each other. I have done quite enough already to get this show on the road.
I'm not nervous. I breathe deeply and "siren" a bit to check that my voice is clear. We're given our five-minute warning and we come downstairs to wait for our cue. The lights go down; Emma strides out to take up her place at the piano.
I wait for a suitable point in the music, then I head out on stage. We have a good-sized audience. I feel very determined to get this right. No mistakes. I will hold nothing back. Tonight there will be reviewers in the audience. I am not going to have anyone writing that I messed up, or that my performance lacked energy. I use everything I've got.
Afterwards, I'm pretty happy with my performance, although it was probably a bit more intense than it needed to be.
My voice feels very tired. Probably I "over-sang". At least I have a couple of days to rest until the next show.
A review comes out. It's very positive. Apparently this reviewer is not easily pleased, but she seems to have enjoyed my show. This is good. A good review helps to sell tickets, and I need to fill the remaining two shows.
The second show is on a Saturday night. It's sold out, and they are cramming a few more people into the room. Emma and I have to wait until everyone has a drink and a chair to sit on. We start a few minutes late.
From the moment I step on stage, this audience is responsive. They laugh in places I hadn't expected. I feel I'm on fire - I'm loosening up. Then, there is silence. I'm expecting to hear a heartbeat sound-effect but it doesn't start. I stand there, waiting. Then Emma starts to play the song. I begin to sing, and start to become aware of the heartbeat sound as well, but it was meant to be played on its own, before the song started, and its rhythm doesn't fit with the song. I have forgotten to say the cue-line, and now I have a beat that doesn't match the song. I try desperately not to be distracted by this - I know that it only lasts for ten seconds. Then the lights come up a bit and I see a few faces in the front near the stage. Suddenly I have a moment of self-doubt, and my words are gone. I lose two lines of lyrics and have to hum along until the start of the next verse; I know the opening line, and I'm back on track. But these are the only words I forget across the three performances.
The final show is on the next night. I've organized to have the show filmed. I didn't want the pressure of having a video camera there on opening night. This audience is quieter, but I'm feeling more confident. Tonight my singing is better, and I tell myself I'm on the home straight - just keep going and you'll get there.
Afterwards I feel a huge sense of satisfaction and relief to have completed my three-show "season". Now, I can enjoy the rest of the festival and watch my friends perform in their shows.
For the moment, the pressure's off.
But I can't help thinking that next time there will be more expected of me. I'm stepping a notch, and I feel ready for it.
I must get better at coping with pressure.
Read the review of Unbreak My Heart
I have no idea how this has happened. Was it the rather excellent press release I sent? Or did someone attend one of the preview shows?
Now the pressure is on. I have to deliver a good show. The day before opening night, the nerves hit me. Are we really ready? Everything went well in our final rehearsal, but we have had a total of just four rehearsals. Will I remember everything? Will anything go wrong?
I go out walking and speak or sing every word of my piece. They all seem to be there, present and correct. But there is no accounting for the moment of truth when you step out on stage and you are alone, in front of a room full of people who have paid for tickets and expect to be entertained.
I explain to myself that this nervous attack is not serving me. I'm just punishing myself, which will just drain my energy and will not help me on the night.
On opening night, there is a "tech rehearsal". This is where you have to tell the sound and lighting technician what you want in terms of sound and lighting. I give him my script and we work through it scene by scene. This process starts at 4 pm, and doors open at 5.30 pm for a 6 pm start. It takes an hour. I don't know any technical terms for lighting. I ask the guy to give me "multiple choice" questions and to show me various effects, to which I can answer "yes" or "no". It is mentally tiring, and I start to feel vocal strain from the constant talking. I have two sound-effects - the sound of a train, and one of a beating heart. I explain where these fit, and tell him the cue lines. The techie tests the sound-files and enters them into his computer. Then I give him the CD I have prepared, of songs to be played while the audience arrives and settles in.
At 5 pm, pianist Emma arrives and we do the "sound check". I stand on stage, adjust the height of the microphone stand, and test it by talking into it. Then we run through a couple of songs. The tech guy declares himself satisfied with the sound in the room, and Emma and I scuttle upstairs to "relax". I definitely don't want to be there when the audience arrives - there is pressure to greet and kiss people, and to introduce them to each other. I have done quite enough already to get this show on the road.
I'm not nervous. I breathe deeply and "siren" a bit to check that my voice is clear. We're given our five-minute warning and we come downstairs to wait for our cue. The lights go down; Emma strides out to take up her place at the piano.
I wait for a suitable point in the music, then I head out on stage. We have a good-sized audience. I feel very determined to get this right. No mistakes. I will hold nothing back. Tonight there will be reviewers in the audience. I am not going to have anyone writing that I messed up, or that my performance lacked energy. I use everything I've got.
Afterwards, I'm pretty happy with my performance, although it was probably a bit more intense than it needed to be.
My voice feels very tired. Probably I "over-sang". At least I have a couple of days to rest until the next show.
A review comes out. It's very positive. Apparently this reviewer is not easily pleased, but she seems to have enjoyed my show. This is good. A good review helps to sell tickets, and I need to fill the remaining two shows.
The second show is on a Saturday night. It's sold out, and they are cramming a few more people into the room. Emma and I have to wait until everyone has a drink and a chair to sit on. We start a few minutes late.
From the moment I step on stage, this audience is responsive. They laugh in places I hadn't expected. I feel I'm on fire - I'm loosening up. Then, there is silence. I'm expecting to hear a heartbeat sound-effect but it doesn't start. I stand there, waiting. Then Emma starts to play the song. I begin to sing, and start to become aware of the heartbeat sound as well, but it was meant to be played on its own, before the song started, and its rhythm doesn't fit with the song. I have forgotten to say the cue-line, and now I have a beat that doesn't match the song. I try desperately not to be distracted by this - I know that it only lasts for ten seconds. Then the lights come up a bit and I see a few faces in the front near the stage. Suddenly I have a moment of self-doubt, and my words are gone. I lose two lines of lyrics and have to hum along until the start of the next verse; I know the opening line, and I'm back on track. But these are the only words I forget across the three performances.
The final show is on the next night. I've organized to have the show filmed. I didn't want the pressure of having a video camera there on opening night. This audience is quieter, but I'm feeling more confident. Tonight my singing is better, and I tell myself I'm on the home straight - just keep going and you'll get there.
Afterwards I feel a huge sense of satisfaction and relief to have completed my three-show "season". Now, I can enjoy the rest of the festival and watch my friends perform in their shows.
For the moment, the pressure's off.
But I can't help thinking that next time there will be more expected of me. I'm stepping a notch, and I feel ready for it.
I must get better at coping with pressure.
Read the review of Unbreak My Heart
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