The Name's Bond

Wednesday at Cabaret Summer School, 2013.

Our guest mentor is Stephen Sheahan, an actor and professional comedian.

We all need to include some humour in our show on Sunday night.

Stephen talks about "planned spontaneity.  He says "What makes you most charming to the audience is when you are going wrong.  When you seize the way you feel, and give a clue to your unique personality, the audience will love you for it."

We are all asked to sing a song that has potential to be funny.  Chiewy (of Asian heritage but very Australian) sings a beautiful song, "Reflections", with a fake Chinese accent.  Stephen says "Can you sing the song with that accent and try to sell me your shoes at the same time?"  She does, and it is hilarious.

I sing "Tomorrow Never Dies" from the James Bond movie of the same time.  The line I think is funny is "You're not the only spy out there".  But nobody laughs.  Standing in front of the group, in an attempt to salvage my self-respect, I say "I thought it had a funny line - oh dear, you're all wondering which one it was..."  They all roar with laughter.  They all start to compete amongst themselves with Bond-movie quips.

Stephen recommends a technique of finding the "punch line" in a song, and creating a "hook" to hang it on.

As each person sings, ideas come thick and fast: "Eat while you are singing", "do some Latin moves", change the words to make them funnier", "get your pianist to insult you".

Now we are asked to tell a story to the group - an experience that has some humour in it.

I tell how I went to Buenos Aires for a conference, went for a swim on the day of the opening ceremony and slammed my head against the wall of the hotel swimming pool, almost rendering myself unconscious.  I wondered if I should take myself to hospital but was worried that they would keep me there and I would miss my presentation.  That would be very ironic after I put in such a lot of work to prepare it.

The group is howling with laughter.  I didn't think it was that funny.

They think I'm daring, like a Bond girl.  They start to suggest story lines.  I scribble a page of notes.

I've sung two Bond songs this week.  It's true that I do love James Bond movies.  And I've developed a bit of a reputation at Cabaret Live! for my sparkly dresses.

Looks like my show is going to have a James Bond theme.